Certified BREAKTHROUGH EXPERT
520-982-3930 Life Coach Consultant in Tucson
by Peter Cunningham Certified Life Coach
What's "YOUR STORY" in Life?
We determine how we feel by the meaning we create. All our upsets are based on the meaning we make. Nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning we give it. We always give it a label like…humiliation, frustration, stress or we're Not Good Enough. We are most often on auto pilot and we get STUCK!
Our Pain starts with the feeling of loss.But 1st we have to perceive it as loss and create the meaning. This is where we create our state of being and a belief system. We too often create what should be, not the way it is.
An upset is always about a loss, but we don’t really loose it. It only transforms but is never lost…Like: love or respect.
Did I ever Really MAKE YOU FEEL disrespected or did you make it a "Story or a Meaning"?
The state we’re in (in the moment) powerfully impacts the meaning we associate to it. We Can Change our State. Sometimes we lose something and never had it to begin with. Often, it’s about an allusion of loss or expectation. The allusion creates a Hurt and we create a sense of loss and then we create to anger.
Loss or Love. These responses are either a loving response or a cry for help! There are only 2 responses we really operate from. Loss will often lead to hurt and then anger or resentment or depression.
How do we respond with a cry for help.... with anger? Who gets help when we are both angry? Some of us confront with resentment or keep it inside and it becomes depression. When someone responds with a cry for help, ie- anger/yelling we need to respond with love.
This skill will change your life if you commit to changing the real meaning and break the story and the pattern. Be careful of the meaning of the label we make to the meaning. For example- my life is over for past 7 years because my boyfriend left me.
We are the producer of our play. Is it a drama or a love story?We need to Put our past in a file and write a new one.
We don’t want to drive into the future while looking into our rear view mirror do we?
It’s not the event, it’s what we do with it that determines the quality of our life.
Ask yourself, what’s great about this event. What meaning do I associate and assign to it determines how and what I do throughout my life. Am I communicating dis-empowering or empowering meanings?
Nothing has any meaning other than what we give to it!
What's Your Story?
How do I KNOW IF
I Married the RIGHT PERSON???
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love - because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is easy. It's a passive, spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages break down. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it!
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a soon after. Because (listen carefully), THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING HOW TO CONTINUE TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU ALREADY HAVE!
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO TO make your marriage work.
make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed in your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable - you can "make" love happen!
LIFE COACH PETER Cunningham